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“It is not what you do for your children, what you have taught them to do themselves that will make them successful human beings.”

–Anna Landers

We are living in the era where technology takes over people’s lives. Everything is easier, faster and automatic, because this is the digital age. But when it comes to the household chores, technology can’t do all the job for you. But your child can help you do the job!

“Giving children household chores at an early age helps to build a lasting sense of mastery, responsibility and self-reliance, according to research by Marty Rossmann, professor emeritus at the University of Minnesota.  In 2002, Dr. Rossmann analyzed data from a longitudinal study that followed 84 children across four periods in their lives—in preschool, around ages 10 and 15, and in their mid-20s. She found that young adults who began chores at ages 3 and 4 were more likely to have good relationships with family and friends, to achieve academic and early career success and to be self-sufficient, as compared with those who didn’t have chores or who started them as teens.”

Here are some ideas on why kids need chores, from the Wall Street Journal and The Center for Parenting Education.

From the Child’s Point of View

Why do children resist doing chores? Part of the explanation rests with the very nature of children. Young children and teens are:

• Lacking in Judgment. Most young children have no idea how much work is involved with the running of a household.

• Impulsive. They want what they want when they want it. Working at activities that are not immediately gratifying to them is not inherently on their agenda.

• Self-Absorbed and concerned mainly about themselves and their own needs. They do not naturally consider the needs and expectations of others.

Doing chores willingly requires:

• Mature Judgment,

• Less Impulsive,

• And More Awareness of Others’ Perspectives and Needs.

Children are not born with these traits; they develop gradually as children grow and mature.

Part of your job as parents is to socialize your children during the 18 or 20 years that they live with you by helping them to develop these mature qualities. Therefore, it should not be a surprise, and perhaps you should accept and expect, that they resist helping at home.

Is it Worth the Struggle?

Insisting that chores be completed can feel like a never-ending battle. Because it can feel like you are constantly reminding, nagging, or imposing consequences just to get your children to follow through, you may decide to let chores slide. It becomes easier in the short run to do the jobs yourself.

• Parents may be reluctant to engage in continuous struggles for fear of damaging their relationship with their children.

• They may feel guilty asking their children to help; after all, children are so busy with all the other demands on them from school, peers and extra-curricular activities that you may be reluctant to add to the pressures.

• Parents may believe their little ones are too young to take on responsibilities, not realizing how capable their youngsters actually can be.

The Benefits of Chores

Even though it is more difficult at the time to persist in having children do chores, research indicates that those children who do have a set of chores have higher self-esteem, are more responsible, and are better able to deal with frustration and delay gratification, all of which contribute to greater success in school.

Furthermore, research by Marty Rossman* shows that involving children in household tasks at an early age can have a positive impact later in life. In fact, says Rossman, “the best predictor of young adults’ success in their mid-20’s was that they participated in household tasks when they were three or four.”

Doing chores gives a child the opportunity to give back to their parents for all you do for them. Kids begin to see themselves as important contributors to the family. They feel a connection to the family.

Holding them accountable for their chores can increase a sense of themselves as responsible and actually make them more responsible. Children will feel more capable for having met their obligations and completed their tasks.

One of the most frequently cited causes of over-indulgence stems from parents doing too much for their children and not expecting enough of them. Not being taught the skills of everyday living can limit children’s ability to function at age appropriate levels. For example:

• 5-year-old Sara goes to kindergarten and is one of the few students who has no idea how to put on and button her own coat.

• Sam, age 7, goes to a friend’s house for dinner but does not know how to pour juice for himself.

• Fast forward to Beth who at age 18 goes away to college not knowing how to do her own laundry.

By expecting children to complete self-care tasks and to help with household chores, parents equip children with the skills to function independently in the outside world.

With only so many hours in a day, parents need to help children decide how to spend their time and to determine what is most important.

If you let children off the hook for chores because they have too much schoolwork or need to practice a sport, then you are saying, intentionally or not, that their academic or athletic skills are most important. And if your children fail a test or fail to block the winning shot, then they have failed at what you deem to be most important. They do not have other pillars of competency upon which to rely.

By completing household tasks, they may not always be the star student or athlete, but they will know that they can contribute to the family, begin to take care of themselves, and learn skills that they will need as an adult.